Chobits Fanfic

Fiction based on sources already out, original material and other personally made literature.

Moderator: Xanien

Post Reply
User avatar
Alitayuy
Civillian
Posts: 46
Joined: Fri Jun 25, 2004 3:42 am

Post by Alitayuy » Mon Jul 05, 2004 10:49 pm

The bright flashes of overcharged electrons played tag above her head menacingly. The booming of thunder surrounded her. She had front row seats for an orchestra of nature. The rain providing the constant beat for the wind, providing the woodwind section and the thunder whom stood as the profound tuba and other loud low instruments of the natural band.

Amongst this natural wonder, a young girl looked up to its majesty. The rain was pounding down upon her, causing her eyelashes to quickly grow heavy, forcing her eyes shut and her long blond mane of hair to stick to her back. Her clothes could barely be considered clothes. Her once lacey tang-top was now a ripped piece of cloth that hung lazily across her body covering the essential parts of her well-fit body. Her Jean-pants also had holes aplenty. She appeared as if she’d been wearing the same outfit for months and been attacked by some unknown creature to leave numerous of injuries to just the clothes, but she herself appeared perfectly healthy and in tact. Her pale blue eyes seemed focused and strong.

She had been wandering around for quite sometime, but she finally thought she was in the correct spot, as she walked along a lonely street in Tokyo. She didn’t know why she was there or where she was going. She passed by an apartment complex as a young boy, with his green coat pulled over his head to hide himself from the tears of the clouds, came running right into her, forcing her to the concrete ground.

“I’m sorry!” The boy whined, quickly standing up and blushing. ‘C’mon Hideki!’ He thought to himself, ‘why don’t you ever look where you’re going!’

“Sorry.” The girl echoed back.

For the first time, Hideki realized this beautiful girl was barely clothed and soaking wet. He blushed as he realized that he could almost see the girls’ breasts through her shirt. “Uh…Do you need a place to stay?” Hideki offered, pointing towards his building.

The girl nodded and followed closely as Hideki quickly strolled up the sidewalk and into the cozy apartment complex. He shyly looked behind himself at the girl as they walked up the small set of stairs. She looked about 18, in all of her innocence she reminded him of Chi overall. “Where do you live?” He asked.

She looked down at her feet that held no answers, along with any shoes or socks. Just her bare toes balancing her body step after step. “I don’t know.”

As they arrived at the room he opened the door for her and she stepped in. Chi came running out of the kitchen and jumped on her. “Hideki Hideki Hedeki’s home!” She soon realized that the girl was not, in fact, Hideki. Chi sat up and looked from Hideki to the girl. “Who is with Hideki?”

“I’m not exactly sure, Chi, Miss, what is your name, excuse me being so rude as to not asking earlier.” Hideki put out his hand to help the young girl up.

The girl accepted his hand and stood up. “Sarah is my name.” She smiled looking at Chi. “What is your name?”

Chi smiled her brown eyes closed and her hand held out. “Hideki taught Chi to shake hands when meeting new people. Chi is Chi. Nice to meet Sarah.”

“You are in which I’ve been sent.” Sarah whispered, though Sarah herself knew not what she meant.

“What?” Hideki asked, looking from Chi to Sarah. “You were looking for Chi? Do you know Chi?”

Sarah’s eyes seemed to glaze over, but a small white line shined over each pupil as Hideki soon realized that Sarah was in fact, a persocom! Sarah slowly slid from her standing position to the floor. Hideki and Chi knelt over the fallen computer, confused. Hideki looked up at Chi. “Did you know she was a computer? She didn’t have your kind of ears so I thought she was human.” Hideki held out a hand to gently caress Chi’s bunny-shaped pink and white ears.

“Sarah is not the same as Yuzuki, Sarah is like Chi.”

“What do you mean?” Asked Hideki, getting up and moving into another room to gather some new clothes for Sarah.

“Sarah is special. Somebody made her like Mommy made me.” Hideki stopped where he stood, with a T-shirt in his hand and dropped it.

“So you mean, there are other persocoms…other Chobits out there like you- Chi?”

“Yes.”

As Chi’s single word echoed throughout Hideki’s mind, he slowly opened his eyes. He raised his head from his arms, which sat as a pillow on his desk. He looked around and saw that nobody was there. He was alone in his prep classroom.

“Sheesh, Shimbo could have at least woke me up!” He whined as he walked home. As he made his way towards his apartment the rain started to play out of holes in the sky and Hideki pulled his coat over his head to cover himself from the rain. He dashed as fast as he could towards his apartment.

As he turned the last corner he saw a young girl, and stopped. He looked at her and realized that she was the girl that he had dreamed of. “Sarah.” He mouthed.
User avatar
Vandire
Vagabond
Posts: 1994
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2004 4:01 am
Location: Scotland, Mars
Contact:

Post by Vandire » Thu Jul 08, 2004 1:12 pm

only one complaint, to much repitition when describing something, alot of writers do it, but it anoys me, but apart from that, tis pretty good
User avatar
Alitayuy
Civillian
Posts: 46
Joined: Fri Jun 25, 2004 3:42 am

Post by Alitayuy » Thu Jul 08, 2004 8:05 pm

Thanks Yasuo! But what do you mean...."too much repetition"? Do you mean like I go into too much detail? Or what? I didn't think I was repetative.
User avatar
Vandire
Vagabond
Posts: 1994
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2004 4:01 am
Location: Scotland, Mars
Contact:

Post by Vandire » Thu Jul 08, 2004 11:28 pm

when describing stuff, by trying to go into alot of detail, you end up repeating adjectives, my english teacher told me the name for this....i forget tho
User avatar
Mik
Born under a bad sign
Posts: 3394
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2004 8:44 am
Location: Beyond your borders
Contact:

Post by Mik » Thu Jul 08, 2004 11:51 pm

flagged

will read later.
Wulf
Not-A-Deserter
Posts: 988
Joined: Sat Jun 19, 2004 9:15 am
Location: Belgium

Post by Wulf » Tue Jul 13, 2004 8:58 am

im not much of a chobits fan but i liked it... :mellow:
User avatar
Alitayuy
Civillian
Posts: 46
Joined: Fri Jun 25, 2004 3:42 am

Post by Alitayuy » Sun Jul 18, 2004 8:07 pm

Thanks guys
User avatar
Chewi
Anti-Hero
Posts: 3521
Joined: Sat Jun 12, 2004 3:51 pm
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland

Re: Chobits Fanfic

Post by Chewi » Tue May 04, 2010 5:39 pm

I was doing some work and accidentally mistyped aura-online.co.uk. For some reason, it redirected to Google with this page at the top of the results. I was like "We have a Chobits fanfic?" Of course, I never noticed before because this was posted before I even got into anime. Funny. Anyway, it's short but fairly well written (I don't think "well-fit" works, at least not here) and it honours the characters. Well done.
Post Reply